1. I'm thankful for vision.
2. I'm grateful that I woke up early this morning.
3. I'm grateful that I have IFMSA.
This morning I woke up at 5:05 and ran on the beach. I attended 4 hours of lecture and focused some of the time. I had a great shoulder workout and tweaked my slides a bit. After that I conducted a calm patient interview through which I had an excellent review of systems and good HPI. I presented my slide adeptly and the clinical tutor was pleased. During an IFMSA meeting I talked to friends and I had dinner with Louisa and Aaron while we joked about everything. I had a brief meditation and emailed my mother a short note that I appreciate her
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
21 days
Today I wrote to Loli to thank her for letting me live with her that first month I crashed back into Spain. I wished her health and happy employment.
1. I'm grateful that I have shelter.
2. I'm grateful that I'm in school.
3. I'm grateful that I'm in shape.
This morning I woke up at 5:35 and ran. I then ate a delicious mango, made awesome coffee, read my emails and messages, and did flashcards. I took a warm shower and shaved. Sitting through 4 hours of lecture was enjoyable. I then got a solid back/biceps workout and had a good coffee protein shake.
Talking with Jackie and joking with Henry in the weight room was enjoyable.
I prepared for path lab and reviewed condensed pathology notes with a coffee at Glover's.
Path lab was informative, relaxed and interesting. Louisa, Aaron, Karl and I went to the student center for dinner. I met with Ghislaine and Kizzy to decide the future of our program with the kids. Kizzy made me realize how important the work is and I was glad to be a part of making a positive difference in the kids lives. Kwame ran into me and agreed to help with it.
I finished about 200 cards and postread most of the lectures.
Now I'm going to floss, wash, brush my teeth, and sleep.
1. I'm grateful that I have shelter.
2. I'm grateful that I'm in school.
3. I'm grateful that I'm in shape.
This morning I woke up at 5:35 and ran. I then ate a delicious mango, made awesome coffee, read my emails and messages, and did flashcards. I took a warm shower and shaved. Sitting through 4 hours of lecture was enjoyable. I then got a solid back/biceps workout and had a good coffee protein shake.
Talking with Jackie and joking with Henry in the weight room was enjoyable.
I prepared for path lab and reviewed condensed pathology notes with a coffee at Glover's.
Path lab was informative, relaxed and interesting. Louisa, Aaron, Karl and I went to the student center for dinner. I met with Ghislaine and Kizzy to decide the future of our program with the kids. Kizzy made me realize how important the work is and I was glad to be a part of making a positive difference in the kids lives. Kwame ran into me and agreed to help with it.
I finished about 200 cards and postread most of the lectures.
Now I'm going to floss, wash, brush my teeth, and sleep.
Sunday, August 17, 2014
Chill
It's raining gently. I can see the bay from my window as I study microbiology. The wind is coming in and hitting my face, drying the lotion I put on my forehead.
I noticed my first wrinkles on my forehead this morning. I'm 25. I should be further in my career than I am yet I have done so much with my life that I would feel satisfied with it if I had to bury myself in work for the rest of it.
That's just what I'm doing. The heavy 14 hour days are hitting. Tomorrow we have microbiology, physical diagnosis, and pathology lectures in the morning. Then I have CPD lab and pathology lab in the afternoon. 8 hours of scheduled activity then I have to study.
The challenge isn't the workload as much as the emotions and focus. You need to sit still for so long every day and assimilate information.
I find myself sometimes pining for Spain. Particularly, I miss it now that the excitement of my second term is over and the prospect of a social life in my third term passed me by. I look forward to being warm but reclusive this term. My goals:
Maintain honors status.
Meditate daily for at least 15 minutes.
Dance at least 2x per month
Eat with friends at least once per week
Work out every SINGLE day
Maintain a clean mind and living space
Learn more martial arts
Maintain my rigorous schedule
Avoid distractions, negativity, overexcitement
Lose the anticipation and desire that keeps me shackled to external outcomes
Find more peace
Realize that there is no failure, only the temporary absence of success.
Firecracker daily
Maintain a positive attitude and my friends.
Rotate who I hang out with.
Plan my next trip to a Spanish-speaking place
Some of these are vague. Some are imperative and defined.
Last night was a potluck with Aaron, Brendan, Louisa, Chris, Kayleigh, and I. I made a spicy chicken dish and a medley salad that I usually make. It was wonderful. We talked over vignettes and strayed from the topics to talk about college sex and some gossip about campus. Having a non-student there was refreshing.
I chatted with Chris's roommate in Spanish a bit.
For the next 4 months my life will be this and this only. That's ok.
It has been tough getting over a relationship with someone who I see and work with every day. The most important thing is that I take care of myself first. I still want the best for this person, but it is not in my best interest to spend too much time with her. I am not pursuing anything with anyone this term. That was delightfully confusing but right now, work is my mistress.
I noticed my first wrinkles on my forehead this morning. I'm 25. I should be further in my career than I am yet I have done so much with my life that I would feel satisfied with it if I had to bury myself in work for the rest of it.
That's just what I'm doing. The heavy 14 hour days are hitting. Tomorrow we have microbiology, physical diagnosis, and pathology lectures in the morning. Then I have CPD lab and pathology lab in the afternoon. 8 hours of scheduled activity then I have to study.
The challenge isn't the workload as much as the emotions and focus. You need to sit still for so long every day and assimilate information.
I find myself sometimes pining for Spain. Particularly, I miss it now that the excitement of my second term is over and the prospect of a social life in my third term passed me by. I look forward to being warm but reclusive this term. My goals:
Maintain honors status.
Meditate daily for at least 15 minutes.
Dance at least 2x per month
Eat with friends at least once per week
Work out every SINGLE day
Maintain a clean mind and living space
Learn more martial arts
Maintain my rigorous schedule
Avoid distractions, negativity, overexcitement
Lose the anticipation and desire that keeps me shackled to external outcomes
Find more peace
Realize that there is no failure, only the temporary absence of success.
Firecracker daily
Maintain a positive attitude and my friends.
Rotate who I hang out with.
Plan my next trip to a Spanish-speaking place
Some of these are vague. Some are imperative and defined.
Last night was a potluck with Aaron, Brendan, Louisa, Chris, Kayleigh, and I. I made a spicy chicken dish and a medley salad that I usually make. It was wonderful. We talked over vignettes and strayed from the topics to talk about college sex and some gossip about campus. Having a non-student there was refreshing.
I chatted with Chris's roommate in Spanish a bit.
For the next 4 months my life will be this and this only. That's ok.
It has been tough getting over a relationship with someone who I see and work with every day. The most important thing is that I take care of myself first. I still want the best for this person, but it is not in my best interest to spend too much time with her. I am not pursuing anything with anyone this term. That was delightfully confusing but right now, work is my mistress.
Sunday, August 10, 2014
Turning the Corner
After that low point I bounced around for a full week. The next day I just had a euphoric sense of well-being that permeated the day. Then, I had a feeling of boredom with life. After a little while I fluctuated back to "normal" where I am now.
The drums have started. Carnival is around the corner and after that there is the ominous "term 4" which fails many students at this school. Students are trickling in gradually and filling up the previously empty benches, fields, and study spaces. The questions and delays are going to peak this week when the full force of maybe 1000 new people hits the island.
It's refreshing to have a new perspective. I remember one year ago coming in hot to Grenada. After all the adventures this seemed like cake: the language is English and there are others doing the same thing. This year I'm giving advice to the confused and hopeful people as they wander around the island.
Sincerely, I have exhausted myself socially. I realize that while trying to resist my attraction toward someone I have built up resentment. Putting myself in social situations with this person takes an extra layer of energy to not think about the past.
Manipulation takes energy. Resignation and honesty are simple.
Last night I felt resigned and honest. There was a hash around Grand Anse and my friends made oildown. The conversation was light and fun. I met someone who I've seen around campus a ton. We played with their animals and had mojitos while we told stories about last year.
As term 4 is about to start I think about the stories. People say that there is no time for anything and that it's miserable. At the same time everyone is going to all-night parties and trying to kill every moment with alcohol before they have to be inside all the time.
As for me, I'm studying and planning this week. If there's anything I've learned in the last year of med school it's probably medical facts. I also know that I can exhaust myself by being a hermit or by putting too much stock in what other people think.
The difference between a man child and a man is the fact that men don't manipulate people. For me, it's hard not to think about what I want and how to get people to act the way that would best benefit me (which happens to benefit them). I guess this is fine until I start weaving stories and layers onto things that should be simple.
So this term is going to be the most complex and my life is going to be the most simple. No junk in the house. No side plots of trying to avoid people or bring them closer to me or anything like that. An aloof sense of calm, meditation, rigorous exercise, attentive study, and genuine but brief connections are all I have time for.
This weekend was good. A quiet pool party with a group of people. My friends and I made sushi to share. People were interesting and there was good conversation.
Over time I build up people in my mind and then am upset if or when it turns out that they are simple or ... people. I will have to keep my expectations low. Term 4 is going to be devoid of romance but I will NOT let dance go by the wayside. I really want to change partners and have intrigue in my life but that's not a good idea at this point. It's one year more and I'm back to the fold where there's an abundance of people in NYC or new England.
Live simply. Meditate. Maintain balance. Let go of the hate. Always learn. Appreciate the time you're given.
I feel like I've turned a corner. Time to cook, clean, study and go out for some light fun. This J'ouvert will be different.
The drums have started. Carnival is around the corner and after that there is the ominous "term 4" which fails many students at this school. Students are trickling in gradually and filling up the previously empty benches, fields, and study spaces. The questions and delays are going to peak this week when the full force of maybe 1000 new people hits the island.
It's refreshing to have a new perspective. I remember one year ago coming in hot to Grenada. After all the adventures this seemed like cake: the language is English and there are others doing the same thing. This year I'm giving advice to the confused and hopeful people as they wander around the island.
Sincerely, I have exhausted myself socially. I realize that while trying to resist my attraction toward someone I have built up resentment. Putting myself in social situations with this person takes an extra layer of energy to not think about the past.
Manipulation takes energy. Resignation and honesty are simple.
Last night I felt resigned and honest. There was a hash around Grand Anse and my friends made oildown. The conversation was light and fun. I met someone who I've seen around campus a ton. We played with their animals and had mojitos while we told stories about last year.
As term 4 is about to start I think about the stories. People say that there is no time for anything and that it's miserable. At the same time everyone is going to all-night parties and trying to kill every moment with alcohol before they have to be inside all the time.
As for me, I'm studying and planning this week. If there's anything I've learned in the last year of med school it's probably medical facts. I also know that I can exhaust myself by being a hermit or by putting too much stock in what other people think.
The difference between a man child and a man is the fact that men don't manipulate people. For me, it's hard not to think about what I want and how to get people to act the way that would best benefit me (which happens to benefit them). I guess this is fine until I start weaving stories and layers onto things that should be simple.
So this term is going to be the most complex and my life is going to be the most simple. No junk in the house. No side plots of trying to avoid people or bring them closer to me or anything like that. An aloof sense of calm, meditation, rigorous exercise, attentive study, and genuine but brief connections are all I have time for.
This weekend was good. A quiet pool party with a group of people. My friends and I made sushi to share. People were interesting and there was good conversation.
Over time I build up people in my mind and then am upset if or when it turns out that they are simple or ... people. I will have to keep my expectations low. Term 4 is going to be devoid of romance but I will NOT let dance go by the wayside. I really want to change partners and have intrigue in my life but that's not a good idea at this point. It's one year more and I'm back to the fold where there's an abundance of people in NYC or new England.
Live simply. Meditate. Maintain balance. Let go of the hate. Always learn. Appreciate the time you're given.
I feel like I've turned a corner. Time to cook, clean, study and go out for some light fun. This J'ouvert will be different.
Sunday, August 3, 2014
Low Point
I've removed this post. It's not good to have too much out there.
Gotta have some mystery.
Someone said something unintentionally very hurtful. It struck at a bad time and hit a nerve by exposing my weaknesses and flaunting my failures. The person who said it had the best intentions and has problems of their own which they were working through.
Gotta have some mystery.
Someone said something unintentionally very hurtful. It struck at a bad time and hit a nerve by exposing my weaknesses and flaunting my failures. The person who said it had the best intentions and has problems of their own which they were working through.
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