Working on play

Savant Vario is blasting through my headphones as I reflect on my first week in Santiago, Chile. This song pumps me up. "Round one! Go!"
It's my morning beach run pump album...and I need it today.

For the moment I've put the books on the shelf and picked up psychology and voracious dating along with this laid back research project. There's a girl I'm stupid about when I'm in Grenada and while I'm here I need to make the best of transforming myself into the person who can calmly deal with the uncertainties of a "relationship" (more or less) under the strain of medical school.

and my GOD has this been a week!

Sunday I acclamated to speaking Spanish and thinking in Spanish. I got over some awful jetlag. Three self-help texts were bought and plans were made. I hung out with the other medical student from the lab on Monday and walked through the whole city. There were beautiful hills and intriguing markets.

Tuesday I set a date with a Chilean girl outside a restaurant which was closed. I was 15 minutes late and didn't call. Still...I turned it around and got a second date and we laughed nonstop for about 3 hours.

The next person Tuesday was an uptight Chilean feminist who I got to loosen up as time went on. We argued and I ate a burger. She had some fries and a pina colada. I bought the first round and she bought the second. I was tired so I went home after that.

Analyzing it afterwards, everything went well. Both messaged me afterwards and I had a great time. Personally, I thought that being self-serving but fun was the most attractive thing to them.

This is a strange point for me because I was raised to put women on a pedestal and put their needs before mine...

Wednesday I went out with the cutest little Chilean girl. We had a few drinks, danced some salsa, had some more typical Chilean drinks. She was close, shy, quirky, but eager to touch me and would laugh even at the stupidest jokes (two signs of attraction). She was eagerly asking questions and qualifying (both signs of attraction). Toward the end of the night I went in, a little quickly, for a kiss and got the cheek.
I have never gotten the cheek.
I have never gone for a kiss that I wasn't absolutely sure I would get. The risk was exhilarating. She looked me in the eye and I understood where I went wrong = too fast and too late. The end of a date is not the time to kiss someone! The pressure mounts the whole night and it's not fluid. I gave her a hug and we parted ways.

The first two girls paid their half and wouldn't let me pay for everything. This one told me that she forgot her cash (no problem) and later mentioned that she wasn't single even though it said "single" on her OKC profile. She said we should just be friends -- canned lines.

Last year I would have been insulted, or worse, became a doormat. This year I just realize that she is a shy dog-shit person who isn't worth my time. Really cute, though. She will probably continue to "forget" to bring money and not own up by just saying "I'm not interested in you."
Again, not worth my time. She set a tentative date last night and I cancelled, she didn't quite understand but then flaked 30 minutes before, which I knew would happen.

Saturday afternoon I traded a certain good time for a date with a blonde. Instead of going to the venue, I texted 30 minutes before saying I would be 5-10 minutes late. Suddenly there was an explosion of  "oh my, I'm sick and can't make it!" texts. I replied: My time is valuable to me. If you're going to cancel plans, let someone know as soon as you do. It's disrespectful otherwise. I hope you get well soon.

The great thing about the city is that there is no lack of opportunity. Just keep pressing and you will find more people. Thursday night I went out with the American lab student again and met her roommate, who is really nice.

Friday night I cancelled plans on someone to stay at the international dinner. I had a great time and learned a lot. People do not like to accept someone who is unconverntionally attractive in a position of leadership. All night I was leading the group in small ways: when we ate, when we left, where the conversation would NOT go (no one was allowed to bitch, especially about exes...lol).

I understand the "Shit test" that girls do better now. When you're joking with everyone they will see if you're being genuine by insulting you. "I doubt your masculinity" "You're a creep" "Really disorganized" "We totally won't miss you" "Your Spanish is terrible"

The first one caught me off guard. I was talking with everyone. It's an ODD feeling when everyone is hanging on what you say and a great feeling to engage everyone. It's like I'm teaching again but the goal is to have FUN.

There was a sarcastic little girl from Hong Kong who was really shit-testing me at the beginning of the night. At the end she was projecting the best qualities on me which I never said anything about.

There was also a lesbian (I think of them as land-mines with regards to me self-esteem because they tend to be the bitchiest to someone who is confident and leading...when she led the group, though, she was bitching and off color.

There were times when I sat back and listened, times when I talked and felt the energy. Toward the end of the night I started to fall off. A Chilean drove me home.

The contrast was palpable and someone paid me the highest compliment (by contrast).
"Oh man, they're so serious at the other end of the table!" Implying that she was grateful to be sitting next to me because I was less serious. In the past, people have always called me serious...which is synonymous with a "buzz kill" and is something which I work on

Then someone snapped a photo after the field-hockey lesbian said "You're not very masculine" because I didn't like soccer...I smiled and said "maybe not, then" a few seconds later I started to crack and got mad.
The best thing to do at that point is recalculate and evaluate what you're feeling.
Someone took a picture of my face when I was thinking. Not so good.

Work in progress. Date 2 today with the feminist. Date 2 Wednesday with nursing student number 1. Date 1 Monday with nursing student number 2. Tuesday night dinner with the host family. Thursday night I want to get to dancing again.

Working on it.